Jealousy...

Why are people so jealous when it comes to relationships. I'll admit it, I've been there. I'm done with it though. I realize that all it does is kill the relationship. But even though I've been there, I still dont understand why it even exists. Is it impossible to have a friendship level relationship with someone who is married? My two best friends are married and both their husbands hate me with a passion. They dont even know me and they have said that if they run into me they are gonna break my legs. One of the husbands decided that he is leaving because he thinks that I'm screwing his wife. What a pansey little prick. If I thought someone was sleeping with my wife I would confront them. Anyway, its all good though cause she was trying to think of a way to tell him that she wanted a divorce anyway, so she's alright with it. But it still pisses me off. Espcecially since I've never even touched her or had any sort of sexual thought about her. She's more like a big sister to me then anything, always telling me what to do and watching out for me. Now...her best friend *wink* MEEEEEOOOOW. If she wasnt married...I would probably be getting with her. I might have a slight crush on her. But nothing that anyone, including a husband should worry themselves about. But yet he too wants to break my legs.

I just dont understand it. Men of course are a lot more violent. Always talking about how they're gonna beat up this person or kill that guy. Girls just get pissy and make the mans life a living hell. It doesnt matter whether what they hear is the truth or just a rumor they both jump to conclusions. No one talks anymore these days, and that right there is why RELATIONSHIPS SUCK and cannot and should not exist. Screw being tied down to one person. Fly free little bird...build your nest here and there and just fly free and have fun. Just be careful and keep an eye out for a bigger bird or a hunter with a gun. Adios.

Conscience

What makes humans different from animals? Is it feelings...no, animals have feelings thats why they cower when you yell at them. We have a conscience, we know the difference between right and wrong. Other then that I see no difference between us. A dog eats the thanksgiving turkey cause he's hungry and doesnt know any better. A serial killer kills because he doesnt care, he has no conscience. They know its wrong but they find joy in it. I dont know why I typed such a long intro when all I really wanted to say is that my conscience has flown out the window. I really dont care anymore nor think about the consequences of my actions. And even if I do think about what might happen to me, say, if I was to rob a bank (just an example) I really dont care whether or not I would get caught. I guess I just feel burnt out on life. Nothing really has importance to me. I get up go to work and then go to bed. I'm thinking about changing jobs, give me a little different view in life and I think that this is where all this is coming from. What I want to do is a contradiction to the conscience that I used to have. My body is saying go for it, get yourself a change and my mind is saying, there is some reason why you dont just jump to this new change. So I'm kind of in a state of limbo and I dont know what I want to do. Blah blah blah, boring little Christopher. Such a whinner, grow up, go get a girlfriend or a life at least.

meaning...

I’ve started to wonder what the meaning of life is. I am almost sick of it. I’m not going to kill myself or anything that rational, but I’m sick of being here. The only thing life holds is pain. No matter what it is, everything ends with pain. And in the end, no matter what, no matter who you are, you die alone. I’m just tired of the pain that this life carries with it. Its unfair, I didn’t choose this, it was against my will. I’m sick and tired of people telling me that I’m only 21. I know, I live in my body, I know how freaking old I am. Life gets better they say, your young, happiness will come…blah blah. You’ll find someone so special and your whole life will turn around. These are the people I just want to ball my fist up and break their nose and tell them to keep their wonderfully cheerful happy happy joy joy crap to themselves. True love - soul mates…they don’t exist. Wake up people. There is no such thing as the one true love. Forget everything I’ve ever said in the past of my entire blog. I don’t even know if “love” can truly exist between two people anymore. I think it’s a waste of time to love someone, cause like I said in the end, the only thing that really happens is you turn out to be alone. You waste your time and energy loving someone and then you either split or one of you will die. The only thing you get from either situation is heartache. Is it worth…some of you I’m sure say yes, but in reality…no. The only thing heartache does is put you in a depressed state that nobody likes to be in, unless of course you are a hypochondriac. I believe John Mayer said it best when he wrote the song Gravity…”gravity is working against me, and gravity wants to bring me down” Thank you John, always there to help me with my thoughts.

So what to do?…truthfully, I don’t have an honest answer as to what you should do. I know what I’m going to do though. I can say that as of this day I’m going to stop looking for my potential “wife” and just have fun. I will never, and I mean never tell a girl that I love them again, no matter how bad they may want to hear it from me. Maybe…just maybe I might give them the satisfaction of hearing the word “ditto” as Patrick Swayze did on the movie Ghost. But I don’t think I can bring myself to use those three words anymore. People these days just don’t realize how deep those three HUGE words can go. They just throw them out there like they are nothing. Bachelor life is the way to go. My best friend tells me I’m too good of a guy to deprive that girl that is looking for me out there of me, but I’m sick of the way I get treated. So I’m the only commitment that I’m making is to be a bachelor…Now I’m no George Clooney, but I think he really has something here, never getting married. It’s cheaper, you don’t have to worry about anything. You don’t have to ask for permission to do anything. Cant be accused of cheating and you cant be cheated on. Its great.

Well I might elaborate more on some of my new thoughts, but its lunch time and I’m hungry so I’m going to go for now. Adios.

German...

So I went out last night with a couple of friends. We uhh, had a good time mainly. We went to cheddars and I walked in a put my name down cause there was a huge line outside waiting to be seated. The lady told me it would be about 45 minutes. So I went back outside and the two girls were like "I'm starving" So I heard them call...*German, party of three, German party of three please* I looked at them and we headed in. haha, We walked up to the lady and we said yes we're the German party. Right this way please. 40 minutes before we were to be seated, now how cool is that. I know I know those poor people didnt get their seats, but It was fun. Anyway...thats all I have for right now. I'm getting ready to go watch a movie. Adios.

Cheese

I had so many things I was wanting to talk about and now that I'm here typing I dont remember a one of them...that really ticks me off. Oh well let me think of something here. Do you ever have that dream where you like in grade school again and you know when you were there you had to raise your hand if you had a question, well you ever wake up and and realize that you are raising your hand up. Then you just kinda laugh and think, stupid and go back to bed right? Or am I the only one who ever has those kind of dreams. Well anyway, last night I was having a dream that I was getting my picture taken, and I sat up smiling really big and waited. Then I woke up completely and looked over at my phone and saw it was 4 in the morning. I felt stupid. What a waste of perfectly good sleep.

I watched Dane Cook's Vicious Circle again last night with my sister and parents. Just as funny the second time around as it was the first. Although I laughed more cause I started laughing at them when they would laugh.

Well one of my best friends is leaving me today to go on a cruise for a whole week. Sniffle, not really sure what I'm going to do for a whole week without her. And hmmm...the parents are gone this weekend...muahahaha, time to get a little mischievious?!?!?!?!......mmmmmmaybe. We'll just have to see. I'm feeling a little awnry. Ok well I'm at work and it's time to get back to it, so I guess I will talk later. Adios.

Faded Existence

I've been wondering to myself if true love exists anymore. Yeah yeah I know what your thinking...oh poor me, its just a phase, your heart broken blah blah flipping blah. No honestly...I am beginning to quesiton the existence of true love. Now I'm not saying that love doesnt exist, cause well...love makes the world go round, or is there a big kid spinning us around like we used to spin the globe in geography class...I dont remember anymore. Anyway...I think puppy love exists. But anything higher then that I have to question. Maybe my theme is that one song, Looking for love in all the wrong places. Oh well, either way, I'm not going to be looking for love anymore. Nope...I'm done looking for it. I'm either not going to find it or it'll just come and hit me in the face one day. Either way I dont care...but for now what I've decided to focus my intention on, besides just girls in general is the size of the bank account. oooo yeah. I'm going to make an application and it they aint making over 90,000/year...well so long. Dont even send it in. I want someone who is going to support me cause from this moment on I've lost all interest in doing anything. I just want to be a stay at home movie watching bum....Sooo anyone looking for a bum give me a holler.

Ok so now what. Its six in the morning and I have yet to get to bed. I'm wide awake. I'm meeting a friend for breakfast in like an hour and a half. Then we're going to go work out. Yeah got work on these guns of mine. Muahahaha. Friends are something I've not had too many of. I had 2 my entire high school career. I have a couple that I consider good friends but they live so far off that I rarely to never see them which sucks. But recently I have aquired two really good friends that actually live in my town. Its kinda cool we all just kind of clicked. We call each other all throughout the day and will talk about our problems at the moment or just make fun of each other...you know whatever feels right at the time.

Ohhh, so I finally gave in tonight and went to wal-mart at one in the morning to get some ice-cream. mmmm it was so delicious. I got three different kinds and I ate some of each. My mom got a new job which I believe her to be all excited about YAY! I am going to hopefully maybe if possible be getting a new job soon, unless of course my sugar mama comes to my rescue here soon.

I've found a new addiction and I really dont understand why its an addiction cause I dont know anything about it nor do I know how to work it, but myspace.com. I finally got what they call a myspace. I believe it to be retarded, but I have one. Wooo hooo. Ok well seeing as how I'm really bored and running out of things to talk about, I'm going to go for now. Hope everyone has a wonderful day. Oh and if you get the chance to watch Dane Cook's Vicious Circle....holy cow...do it...I laughed so hard my stomach is killing me. Adios.

Crikey!!

Well I dont know if this is really a surprise to anyone or not, its not to me, but the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Erwin was killed. I always thought he'd die froma crocodile or alligator though. He was killed by a stingray. Crazy! Oh well, that stuff happens I guess.

Ok well, its been so long that I dont even remember what I wrote about last time so if I repeat anything, well too bad you get to hear it again. Well now that I said that, I cant really think of anything to say. There isnt much that is new. I joined a local gym and have been working out along with running at the track. I've made a couple of good friends from the track...and I've met a lot of people that have been trying to set me up with their daughter or sister or whatnot. Weird.

I bought a vanilla frosty from Wendy's the other night. mmmmmm I loved it. I put it in the freezer for about 15 minutes to let it get a little bit more solid and it was then perfect. I got a myspace thingy. I dont see the big hubub about it. Its nothing special, maybe its just because I have no clue how to work it. Oh well, I have better things to do then spend all my time on the computer....like uhhh, watch movies, and ummm, well I'll get back with ya on that list.

I went out on a date about a few weeks ago...well it wasnt realy a date date, but it was a date...I dont know. Anyway, she was pretty and all, just a little young and a little too frisky for her age if you know what I mean. So that didnt last too long. Ummm...other then that I havent really been out with anyone, just made some friends. I made a pact with a friend of mine the other day that if she wasnt married by the time she's 34, that'll make me 25, that we would marry each other.

I've been having a craving for japanese food lately. So I'm going to have to get some friends to go with me, cause its totally boring and you look retarded when you go by yourself. Ok well I'm bored and have nothing else to talk about so I'm going to go. Adios.