Funny Funny

Futuristic answer to age old question..............

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male

The Unborn

So, ok this was just totally awesome to me. Its probably nothing to you guys, but it really...well almost made me cry. I was lying next to Des the other night while she was trying to fall asleep. Not doing much, just strumming my fingers through her hair and looking at her face while she laid there. Just then for a brief moment, I say my child in her eyes. I saw my beautiful baby girl..."hopefully" in her. My face just started to glow. I dont think anyone can really fathom the excitement that I was feeling at that exact moment in time. Anyway, like I said, it is probably nothing to you, but to me, I could hardly contain myself.

Well this was quite the boring day. It was just a blah day. The sun wasnt really shinning, it wasnt too cold though. Just an overcast of clouds and cool. I got the old 10 speed bike out and took it for a ride. I only went about 2 - 3 miles, but the crisp cool air made my lungs feel like it was 30 miles. I strapped my ipod to my arm and rode away to the sound of some fast paced music.

Oooooo I'm getting a new gun. I was going to hold out for a while and get the sniper rifle that I've been wanting but an opportunity came along and I gotta go with it. It's an M4. Dont know what that is you can either go to google and search it or gunbroker.com. Its the standard weapon issued to the military. Mmmm mmmmm mmmm, sweetness. I guess it helps to be friends with the local Detective. He's great. I go out with him at nights every once in a while and we just drive around looking for the scum of the universe. haha. Not really, although I do know where every drug dealer and low-life live around here now. Quite interesting. I learned all the police codes, even the ones for a bathroom break. They even have a code for whether its number 1 or 2. HAHA, I thought that was hilarious. I learned a lot of new interesting things. I've just been waiting for that moment where in the heat of the battle he throws the 12 gauge at me and says....COVER ME!

Adios.

5 Things Part 2

People I Love

1. Des
2. Chelsea
3. Keisha
4. Mom & Dad/ Mom and Dad In-Laws
5. Abs

Things I Love Doing

1. Watching Movies Still and Seinfeld
2. Playing with my sisters
3. Going to Walmart - Rock On
4. Playing With all the little kids
5. Playing Scrabble Blast

Things I Hate

1. Bills
2. Taxes
3. Screaming mothers at basketball games who don't know what they're sayin
4. Mushrooms...nasty fungus
5. Stupid People

Things That I Want

1. BMW 760 Li
2. Porsche 911
3. Ducati
4. 17.63 million Dollars...dont ask
5. Every Single Movie Ever Made

Favorite Songs - At the Moment

1. Hinder - Better Than Me
2. Hinder - Lips of an Angel
3. 10 Years - Wasteland
4. Vertical Horizon - Best I Ever Had
5. Nickelback - Far Away

Favorite Movies - At the Moment

1. Serendipity
2. Crash
3. Dark Water
4. The Exorcism of Emily Rose
5. The Pacifier

Favorite Snacks

1. Baked Cheetos
2. Velveta Cheese and Rotel Dip
3. Pretzels
4. Candy Candy Candy
5. Apple Sauce

Thats all for now I'm getting bored with this one. Talk with ya'll later. Adios.

First Snow

Well this week I experienced my first snow ever with Des. We were predicted to get about an inch but ended up getting almost 5. Shows how much the weather people actually know. Anyone could be a weather man, although I wouldnt volunteer for the job. People constantly hating you when things that you predict dont come true. Get a life people...thats why they are called PREDICTIONS.

Anyway, it got pretty cool. It was down to about 10 or so degrees here. My new family just laughs at me cause I never wear a coat. I guess I'm just used to it. The cold doesnt bother me. Like last night I went out in flip flops to get a bowl full of snow so I could make some snow ice cream. My father-in-law about had a stroke when he saw me in my shorts and flip flops. I thought that it was quite invigorating.

Awww yes, snow ice-cream. If you've never had it you must try it. All ya gotta do is go out and look for some pure white snow. None of that yellow snow unless you want yours flavored just a little bit. Get a bowl and scoop some in there. Go back inside. You'll need, milk, vanilla, and either powdered sugar or if you dont have any just use regular sugar doesnt really matter. Now you mix them all together in the snow until you have the flavor you like. It all depends on how much snow you get. Me I like my creamy and sweet. So I use a lot of milk to get the snow flavor out and about a 1/2 a teaspoon of vanilla for about every cup of snow. Doesnt have to be exact. Then stir it all up and enjoy.

The only thing I was disappointed in was it wasnt good snow to make a snow man. It was perfect for the ice-cream, all powdery. But wasnt sticky enough for the snow man. Oh well I guess. March is just around the corner and we usually get a pretty good snow then. I'm waiting to see if I actually have work tomorrow. The roads aren't very clear, they are full of ice, so I doubt that many people come in even if we are open. Ok well I'm off for now. Talk to you later. Adios.

Newest Favorite Song

Hinder - Better Than Me

I think you can do much better than me
after all the lies that I made you believe.
Guilt kicks in then I start to see
the edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be.

I told myself I won't miss you,
but I remember what it feels like beside you.
I really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes,
and I think you should know this:
you deserve much better than me.

While looking through your old box of notes,
I found those pictures I took that you were looking for.
If there's one memory I don't wanna lose -
that time at the mall, you and me in the dressing room.
I told myself I won't miss you,
but I remember what it feels like beside you.

I really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes,
and I think you should know this:
you deserve much better than me.

The pavement is getting colder,
wish you never would have said it's over,
and I can't pretend
I won't think about you when I'm older
'cuz we never really had our closure.
This can't be the end - END!

I really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes,
and I think you should know this:
you deserve much better than me.
I really miss your hair in my face
and the way your innocence tastes,
and I think you should know this:
you deserve much better than me.

(and I think you should know this:)
you deserve much better than me.
(and I think you should know this:)
you deserve much better than me.
(and I think you should know this:)
you deserve much better than me.
(and I think you should know this.)

Addiction

The first step to recovery is admiting that you have a problem...right? I believe that it is. If not it should be. Well I have a problem. Its not like it's a life or death kind of problem but it is quite expensive. I have an addiction to movies. I have to have every movie. I feel like it sometimes is the essence that keeps me alive, having movies. Weird I know. I have around oh, 1100 dvds and I dont know how many on vhs. I havent even seen about 10 - 15% of the movies I own. I thought maybe when I moved out on my own...or in my case with my fiance, that I would no longer feel the need/want to have as many movies. HAHAHA...no such luck. They dont' have a meeting called Movie Collectors Anonymous. I guess its better then being addicted to blow or marijuana or even alcohol. The thing is I know that I wont watch half of the movies that I have in my lifetime and those movies will be so cheesy and old by the time my kids are old enough to watch them. So they wont want them, but there is no possible way that I could part with them and give them away. It just isnt happening. So I'm lost as to what to do in this situation. I guess just keep going and who cares...I might be able to quit, but there isnt any possible way it could be cold turkey. It would have to be gradual. But even then, when I go out somewhere and its showing all the new movies that have came out, I'll feel the desire to get them. How do people quit. Temptations are everywhere. I think it would be impossible to quit any kind of habbit. Another addiction of mine is my fiance. I cant go 15 minutes without looking at her. I feel as if I'm in another world if I do. Work days are hard, I have to go from 8 in the morning till around 5:30 at night before I can see her and sometimes longer then that since she coaches basketball. Ohhh life...so hard...if only I were superman. Then the only thing I'd have to worry about is Kryptonite. Ahhh yessss to be superman. Adios.

Day of Love

Its a little late, but so is life...Feb.14th, the firse Valentine's Day that I actually had a date/girlfriend. It had to be perfect. Although I had no idea what I was going to do.

About 3 weeks before I started asking all my clients what women really like for Valentine's Day. I usually got the normal, flowers or chocolate. Well thats all fine and dandy, but that too blah for me. I wanted something just a little more original than that. I was running out of time and nothing had really appealed to me. So I did one of the things that I like to do best. I started writing. I wrote her a poem. After I finished I framed it.

The next day at work I had a little break and decided to go into the store next to my office. In there I found a bunch of angels. They were a series of angels that were made of carved out wood. Too cute. On top of that I got a cute little vase like thing and some candles to put on the center of the dining room table.

Monday night I went and bought a bag full of rose petals. I went back to our house were I made trails with them. One from each door leading to somewhere in the house. One lead to the couch where I had her favorite movie ready to play. Another lead to the kitchen where we cooked our dinner. And another to the bedroom where I put her poem and her gift on the bed. And the last to my massage table where I gave her a massage.

As she walked in the house I had a list of love songs playing off of my ipod, the house smelled of lavender and it was clean as a whistle. We ended up cooking chicken stuffed with ham and provalone cheese, Mac&Cheese with broccoli, cream corn, and bisquits. Turned out awesome. Also had some sparkling red grape juice, which I think I prefer over the white kind.

Overall I think the night turned out pretty well. For my first time I was quite nervous. I wasnt for sure how well it was going to go, but she liked it which made me happy. Ok well I hope that your day of love was as good as mine, talk to ya all later. Adios.

Email About the English Language

You Think English is Easy???
Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time topresent the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant,nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffinsweren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats arecandies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English forgranted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can workslowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea noris it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groceand hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the pluralof booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eatsvegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the Englishspeakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In whatlanguage do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck andsend cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and awise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of alanguage in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fillin a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects thecreativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That iswhy, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out,they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

My new motto: Plan for tomorrow, but live for today.

Incest, Homosexuality, exotic dancers

Someone once asked me what the best thing about my job was. My reply was working with people. After which I was asked what the worst thing about my job was. Again my reply was, working with people. It is simply amazing the people you meet, the things you hear and learn. For example:

I have one client, cant specify anything for the simple fact of the HIPPA laws, that is just a privacy clause that states I can't tell anyone personal information about the client, so for all of these people they will be called John and Jane Doe. Anywho, back to my one client...he's gay. Not just a, hmm do you think he's gay? I dont know, he might be...no, its he is gay. Now, I have nothing against them, most are great people, I have gay friends...thats not what i'm saying. I'm not gay and I dont condone it, but I dont and wont ever condemn it cause thats not my place. Anyway, he has moved our relationship, being client/therapist to the second base. He'll undress in front of me. Ewww. Kinda freaks me out. But he's not interested in my directly...let me explain. He's constantly asking about my fiancee or my family. Those kind of questions. Weird. Anyway, nice guy, just acts a little strange.

Next client...Jane Doe. History...Exotic Dancer. I thought wow, never thought in this area that I live I would work on an exotic dancer...kinda cool. HAHA, yeah...sure. Get into the session she releases her whole life story....woah. Marijuana user, and not just every once in a while would be my prediction. I think she was high when she came to see me. After a little while she told me that her mom had died and she was like, "praise the Lord." Then she stated how she started dating her step-father. Now here I realize not really incestuous, but still, you got to admit thats just kinda freaky. It is pretty much...no its exactly like Woody Allan. Final prediction on her...total nut job.

These of course are not my only two clients, it would take hundreds of paragraphs to write about each and every single one of them. And who am I to make fun of them. Nobody's perfect...HAHA, whom I'm kidding..this is just hilarious. I would say about 85% of my clients are normal human beings, just like the majority of us, but that other 15%...hahaha, weird. Well thats all for now. Adios.

Broken Promises

In this day and age I find it quite ironic when I hear someone say, "you promise or you swear". Why even bother anymore. Not really in my lifetime since I'm only 20, but I know that like in my grandpa's childhood, when someone said I'll do that, or I'll be there, they meant it. They didnt have to promise or swear on it. I realize that times have changed, but why has this. A persons word should be enough. Unfortunately it isnt though. I find that sad.

So to my original thought of why I wrote this entry...why even make a promise. Not just from what I said up above, but I mean...you cant actually promise/swear to keep what the "deal" was about. Say like for an example dating. When your young, or old like me...haha, when your dating starts to get a litle serious you start getting a little paranoid and start saying things like, "oh baby, I'm never going to leave you" "your the only one for me" and my favorite, "I'll never love another person as long as I live". Why do we say these things. Dating and marriage are two different subjects here....I dont really want to get into the marriage subject...I'll just say that for marriage, it takes work to wake up to the same person everyday for the rest of your life. You cant just sit back and expect it to happen for you. You dont fall in and fall out of love, you GROW in and GROW out of love.

Anyways, back to the dating realm. Why do we say these things. I'll be the first to admit I've done it. I've said it to lets see....excluding my Fiancee now, 2 other girls. Silly isnt it? When your dating you cant promise that kind of stuff. Thats what dating is all about, finding the one you are going to marry. So why not wait til you exchange your vows to make that kind of statement. That way when and if you do break up, the heart ache wont be as ginormous as it would be without such commitment.

I've had three serious relationships. Two which I tried to force and not let God to his magic with me. I was young and totally loved the physical benefits of the relationships. I didnt want to be alone for the simple fact of, I loved the physical stuff. So I did what every person does, I made those commitments. You get so comfortable with the situation your in, even though your not compatible in every aspect of the relationship, and think you can make it happen. I was wrong. Did I love them? I loved one of them. But she was also a great friend of mine before we dated. So it was hard not to love her. Do I still...no, not that way. As a friend I do.

Relationships, girls, all complicated. I doubt that I ever fully understand either of them, even with all the experience that I gain in my lifetime. But before I end this, just one little piece of advice for those dating...dont make such an overwhelming commitment until the day of your vows at your wedding. Trust me its well worth it to wait. Have a great day, adios.

30 Things I Love About My Girl

There are of course more then 30 reasons why I love her and more then 30 things I love about her. But I didnt want to take up tooooo much space on the page. I'll start out with the physical and then move to the deeper stuff.

1. She's a blonde.
2. She has blue eyes.
3. She's Older!
4. Hot Hot Hot!
5. She's hardcore in her faith.
6. She's a health nut.
7. She's very organized.
8. She's a clean freak, just like me!
9. She has two sisters...I always wanted a sister.
10. She loves to cook with me.
11. She cant wait to snuggle.
12. She loves to play sports...and is actually good...sniffle, better then I am.
13. She'll let me have a motorcycle.
14. She knows everything about me and yet...still loves me.
15. Her way of kissing...woah.
16. Her skin is beautiful.
17. That ring looks perfect on her finger.
18. She went to college.
19. She is letting me paint a room in my house black..woo hoo.
20. Did I mention she's blonde...I have a little thing for blondes.
21. She's brought me breakfast in bed..Shouldnt that be the other way around?
22. She doesnt mind me watching cartoons.
23. She likes to shoot guns.
24. My parent love/adore her.
25. Everyone in my town knows her and loves her.
26. Her hands and feet are just so adorable.
27. She's B...E...A...utiful
28. She's always surprising me with a gift.
29. She loves water.
30. Everything...Every single last thing there is to mention.

Rodent Day

So today is Ground Hogs Day. And just incase you didnt know he saw his shadow. That means we have six more weeks of winter. But of course if our winter is going to be this nice...bring it on. 60 degree weather isnt that bad. Ok thats all I have to say. Adios for now.